The idea of "writing our story" simplifies a deeply complex and layered process, and I think that's what makes this kind of discussion both fascinating and necessary.
If there's one truth we all realise and accept at one point or another, it's that life is far from a clean slate where we simply get to write what we want. For one, nothing in life is absolute. It all depends. There are several known and hidden factors on which everything else is in flux. Let's examine just a few.
Nature vs. Nurture
The tension between what we’re born with (our genetic makeup) and what we experience (our environment) shapes so much of who we are. Some of us might have natural aptitudes for certain things—an inherent knack for music, athleticism, or analytical thinking—but without the right environment to nurture those talents, they might never develop. Conversely, someone without an inherent gift might excel through sheer hard work and support. But what about those who are born into environments that don’t allow growth, or worse, suppress it?
I think this tension often creates the illusion that we’re less in control of our stories than we’d like to be. In truth, control is never total—it’s a spectrum. The extent to which we can shape our lives depends on the opportunities we’ve been given, our capacity to seize them, and sometimes sheer luck.
Predestination vs. Free Will
This debate is as old as philosophy itself, and there’s no clear answer. Are we the masters of our fate, or are we following a path already laid out for us? I tend to think it’s a mix of both. Some aspects of our lives—where we’re born, who our parents are, the economic and social conditions we inherit—are predestined. But within those constraints, there’s room to exercise free will.
The problem is that free will is often limited by circumstance. It’s easy to tell someone to “write their own story,” but if they’re facing systemic oppression, poverty, or deep psychological wounds from past experiences, their ability to “write” becomes constrained. Overcoming those barriers takes extraordinary effort, and not everyone succeeds.
The Influence of Early Experiences
Our childhood and adolescence are especially crucial because that’s when our identities are being shaped. Family, friends, education, and even random events contribute to the “default settings” we carry into adulthood. By the time we reach a point where we can consciously rewrite our narratives, we’re already working within the framework those early influences have built.
Some people are fortunate enough to grow up in environments that encourage independence and resilience. Others might spend their entire lives undoing the damage of an unstable or unsupportive upbringing. Can they rewrite their story? Sure, but it’s harder, and it often requires outside help—therapy, mentorship, or simply finding the right opportunity.
It All Depends!
Yes, it absolutely does. There’s no universal blueprint for human experience. What works for one person might not work for another. Some people thrive on structure; others rebel against it. Some find meaning in hard-won success; others are content to follow a path of least resistance.
The idea that “it all depends” can feel unsatisfying because we want clear answers. But I think that’s where the beauty of being human lies—in the contradictions, the unpredictability, and the endless variability of experience. It’s why no two people’s “books” are ever the same, even if they start from similar circumstances.
So Where Does This Leave Us?
Maybe the real message isn’t that everyone gets to write their story from scratch, but that we can all try to write at least something. Even if the opening chapters were written for us, even if the world edits as we go, there’s always a moment—a paragraph, a line—where we can take control, however fleeting it may be.
-- Pradeep K (Prady)
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