Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Made in Heaven!


A few days ago, Amy unveiled a very conscientious entry in her blog, about disintegration of marriages. After posting my comments on that article, I gladly retired to the more dependable precincts of my bachelorhood. However, the rabid neural network in my skull continued pondering, as it always does when confronted by such grave issues, over the questions that she had raised. There was, in her composition, something that ought not to be ignored by anybody, in general. Yet again, there was just a hint of something that stimulated me to compose a supplement herein.

NOTE: At the very outset, I must remind the readers that the complexity and gravity of this subject do not permit one to exhaustively deal with it in a few paragraphs. Even as I write these lines, a plethora of unstructured thoughts and concepts overwhelm my mind. But, owing to several limitations, and also hoping to maintain reasonable clarity of thought, I am bound to present my case succinctly. The views expressed below are my own, and I remain open to any criticism from my readers.

Made in Heaven

Are marriages made in Heaven? Are they, without exceptions, disposed by an omnipotent entity? If so, why do so many of them fail?

Consider any two people who, apparently destined to do so, come together and bind each other into a relationship, each uttering the key words, “I do”. The colorful hallmark on the partnership deed boldly declares: “Predestined Pair; Made in Heaven”. The only trouble is that the fine print, as it always happens, is overlooked. Partnerships thus formed, are often inclined to be a burden on both partners. The reasons should become quite obvious as you read on.

A relationship is naturally only as strong as the similarity in temperament of the partners. But, no two people can be perfectly alike in their disposition; there are bound to be differences. In order to maintain harmony in the relationship when challenged by the differences, charming concepts such as love, understanding, caring and sharing are packed with it.

In several cases, these concepts are held on to just as long as the couple has to move around in their little social circles. Outside the public perimeters, the colorful masks are peeled off, and the true, disparate faces come to light. When reality starts biting, issues such as compatibility, negotiation and compromise raise their demanding hood.

Whoever believes that marriages are predestined, advocates the absence of free will, and therefore, may not suggest compromises. Asking one or both partners to compromise on any of their personal philosophy, inherent attitude, or instinctive behavior - human attempts at making them compatible with each other – would be a clear indication that the relationship was not preordained, unless one confidently believes that God, as well, is not perfect.

Whoever believes, moreover, that marriages are predestined, should have no reservations in believing that its consequences – whether happy or sad, including any subsequent breakups in the relationship - are also fated. Therefore, it would seem that the outcome of a marriage made in Heaven is not predictable, with any certainty, by humans. But this apparent uncertainty would last only until one cares to read the fine print that was initially ignored.

If you are still wondering what the fine print is, here it is:
“Relationship subject to mutual acceptance.”

I have grown to believe, personally, that compromises afflict relationships, that they create an artificial sense of compatibility, which lasts just as long as the partners honor their compromises, and that the relationship itself becomes weaker with each bargain between the partners.

My personal line of reasoning is, therefore, that the key to an unbreakable relationship is “mutual acceptance”. It is neither about expecting the other half to change to suit ones needs, nor about finding middle ground suitable for both. It is, with all certainty and without any qualifications, about accepting the partner for who she/he is. A marriage would survive the test of time only as long as the partners accept each other thus. Acceptance also happens to be the key feature of true friendship. No doubt, wonderful partners are also the best of friends.

It is not as easy as it sounds, of course. It requires a great attitude to accept people for who they are, with all their strengths and weaknesses, with all their little idiosyncrasies and values. It takes more than love. Repeat: it takes more than love! It takes respect; it takes devotion. While we can only fall in love, we can certainly rise in devotion.

When the to-be partners say, “I do”, they essentially mean, “I accept”. In doing so, they bind themselves not only by the bold declaration of the colorful hallmark, but also, whether they like it or not, by the message in the fine print. Those who ignore it at the time of uttering the two decisive words are truly unfortunate.

But those who realize the value of the message are indeed blessed by Heaven, and an omnipotent force secures their bond with the wedlock; and nothing, not even death, can do them apart!

P.S.: The views expressed above are my own, and I remain open to any criticism from my readers.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Lingua Pura

The pure language is the one without words.

Surprised? Don't be. If "communication" is the activity of clearly conveying information, and if "language" is the accepted medium, then we cannot afford to miss the language without words. And we certainly cannot afford not to understand it. For, nothing can ever be "communicated" better with words than without.

Languages have evolved over time. Words have been borrowed and lent; idioms and pharases have been "coined"; lexicons continue to be revised. Have languages really improved? Or have they only become more and more complex with time?

For instance, look at these sentences:
"The chicken is ready for lunch" and "The children are ready for lunch"
"A jail is a prison" but "A jailer is not a prisoner"

Now, let us consider a word at random: Is "Crib" a verb or a noun?
In "crib a construction hole", crib is a verb, which means "line with beams or planks".
To crib is also to cheat, to copy or to steal.
As a noun, crib could be a baby bed with high sides made of slats, it could be a bin or granary for storing grains, or it could mean the cards discarded by players at cribbage.
In cryptanalysis, a crib is a sample of known plaintext.

In addition to the above, we also have to be concerned with issues such as differences in accents, cultural influences that alter the definition of words or even sentences, idiosyncrasies of spellings, "twists" of grammar, infiltration of "slangs", to name only a few.

What, then, is the result of evolution? Firstly, we are unsure of communicating what we are trying to. Secondly, our "medium" with words is not "pure".

"Lingua Pura" is the one that has no words, it depends on no words to convey information. Therefore, it can convey clearly, it can convey exactly. It is the one true "universal" language.

Monday, January 16, 2006


“All in all, you are just another brick in the wall.”
- Pink Floyd

· So you went and constructed walls all around yourself.
· You’ve built them high and strong, upon a rock-hard foundation.
· What purpose do they serve?
· Do they defend you against the beasts of the world, or do they defend the world against you?
· Perhaps they do both.
· Perhaps they are required.

But if, for whatever reasons, you decide to spend the rest of your life within those confines, then maybe you should reconsider.

** Walls don’t talk back at you; they don’t criticize you.
** They don’t offer unwanted advice.
** They don’t spill the beans.
** Walls cannot rape you, and they don’t let others do so.

But then, think again...

  • Walls don’t talk to you; they don’t teach you, they don’t provide guidance.
  • They have ears.
  • They do hold you back.
  • They stare coldly at you when you are sad.
  • Your happiness means nothing to them.

Is your fear really so intense that you would be willing to spend your entire life in a self-constructed prison? And yet, can you be proud that your jail stands on firm, established foundations?

  • Are you really defending yourself at these expenses?
  • Is this the best you can do?
  • Is this your philosophy?
  • Is this your faith?