The Unseen Audit of a Lifetime

The Unseen Audit of a Lifetime

It was a day like any other until it wasn’t. I had just settled into my favorite corner of existential inertia—armed with a cup of lukewarm tea and vague regret—when a soft cough shattered my solitude.

Looking up, I saw a figure seated opposite me, legs crossed with the casual authority of someone who belongs, despite never being invited.

“Who are you?” I asked, unsure whether I should be alarmed or flattered by the sudden company.

“I am the Auditor,” they said, producing a ledger that seemed to shimmer between parchment and pixels. “You may call me… well, Auditor will suffice.”

“An auditor? Of what? My taxes are clean, mind you, though admittedly, I might owe the universe some karmic interest.”

The Auditor gave a dry smile, flipping the pages of their ethereal tome. “Not your taxes. Your life. I’m here to review what could have been.”

“Oh, lovely,” I muttered. “A celestial auditor of ‘what-ifs.’ Next thing you’ll tell me you’re Chitragupta, the celestial accountant himself.”

The figure paused, as though weighing their words carefully. “No,” they said finally, “I’m not he. I’m me.”

I raised an eyebrow. “How enlightening. Do you moonlight as a poet, by any chance?”

“No, but you might have,” the Auditor replied, gesturing at the ledger. “See here? In 2004, you considered writing a collection of verses inspired by your morning commutes. You never did. One could argue the muses dodged a bullet, but still—a missed opportunity.”

I felt a twinge of embarrassment. “I wasn’t inspired enough. Buses don’t exactly scream poetry, you know.”

The Auditor tilted their head, a flicker of amusement crossing their otherwise inscrutable face. “True. Buses scream other things—horns, impatience, occasional obscenities. But inspiration isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s hidden in the rust of an old handle or the rhythm of a swaying strap.”

“That’s quite profound,” I said, grudgingly impressed. “You should consider becoming a motivational speaker. But I did publish a few the very next year in my blog."

The Auditor’s smile grew sharper. “Ah, yes. The Endless Chasm. The first 18 to see the light of the world. But for such a free and open platform, they didn't reach any farther than four people.”

“Well,” I said defensively, “wonder how you can blame me for that. I did everything I could.”

“Indeed,” they replied dryly, making a note. “Though, if you’d publicised it more vehemently, it might have led to a viral blog. But no matter. Let’s move on.”

And so, the review continued, the Auditor flipping through my life’s unfulfilled possibilities with a mixture of bureaucratic efficiency and unsettling wit.

Occasionally, they’d pause to offer commentary.

“2018: You thought about taking a calligraphy class but decided it was too much work. Pity. You could have mastered the skill that could later have put you in the limelight. Fame is a strange beast.”

"Well, I had taken the class," I defended myself. "My belief that I could be good at it had stemmed from the point that my handwriting in school used to be quite oriented toward it. But I had hardly handwritten anything since I had graduated in 1997. And that had taken a toll on my handwriting. By 2018, my fingers didn't quite obey my mind. I couldn't sign my cheque book accurately, let alone continue calligraphy classes at the rate they were charging."

“2020: That brief lockdown epiphany about starting a garden? Gone with the wind. Or rather, gone with Netflix.”

Now, this was equal parts humiliating and hilarious.

At one point, I leaned back and said, “You know, for someone who’s not Chitragupta, you sure seem to have a lot of opinions.”

The Auditor smiled again. “Opinions are free. It’s the what-ifs that cost you.”

“Opinions are free,” I said, leaning forward with a smirk. “That’s because they’re like a-holes—everybody has one.”

The Auditor raised an eyebrow. “Charming. Did you come up with that gem yourself, or did it tumble out of the collective cesspool of humanity’s wit?”

I feigned offense. “I’ll have you know, that’s a classic. Timeless, even.”

“Timeless, perhaps,” the Auditor said, brushing an invisible speck off their ledger. “But not entirely untrue. Although, in your case…” They trailed off, flipping to a page that seemed to glow faintly.

“What? What about my case?”

“Well,” they said, tapping the page, “you’ve had plenty of opinions. But for someone who thrives on the limelight and relishes the stage, you’ve spent an unusual amount of time waiting for opportunities to come to you instead of chasing them down.”

“That’s not true!” I protested.

“Oh, really? Shall we revisit September 22, 2010?”

“What happened on September 22, 2010?”

The Auditor adjusted their glasses, their gaze sharp yet oddly amused. “You came across a flyer for a storytelling slam. The theme? ‘Moments of Madness.’ You were excited, inspired even. But instead of signing up, you went home and spent the evening reading online reviews about whether the venue had good parking.”

I blinked. “Well… my friend was to drive me there, so then parking was important. I couldn't tell him to just park anywhere and expect—”

“Don’t bother,” the Auditor interrupted, snapping the ledger shut for dramatic effect. “The truth is, you talked yourself out of it. And now, here we are, a decade later, with ‘what-ifs’ hanging off you like cobwebs.”

I sighed, grudgingly conceding the point. “Fine. Maybe I’ve missed a few chances here and there. But it’s not like I’ve spent my life hiding under a rock.”

“True,” they admitted, opening the ledger again. “And that brings me to another missed moment. Chess.”

My ears perked up. “Chess?”

“Yes,” the Auditor said, scanning the page. “You’ve always wanted to take formal chess lessons, haven’t you? Sharpen your skills, learn the finer strategies, maybe even compete. But no, the local chess schools have an arbitrary rule: ‘Only kids allowed.’” They looked up, their expression half-sympathetic, half-teasing. “Imagine that—a mind ready to explore Sicilian defenses and Queen’s Gambits, turned away because it doesn’t fit the age bracket.”

“Now, hold on,” I said, feeling both seen and slightly irked. “That’s not exactly my fault. I wanted to join. It’s not like I chickened out.”

“Of course not,” the Auditor agreed, their tone uncharacteristically soft. “But here’s the thing: You could have started your own chess circle. Found a private coach. Played with friends. Yet the idea of bending the rules—or creating new ones—never crossed your mind. And so, the board remains empty.”

I fell silent, not entirely sure how to respond.

The Auditor smiled faintly. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to make you feel bad. Life’s greatest games are often played without a board. But chess… well, it could have been interesting.”

“Is this supposed to inspire me to go out and buy a chess clock?” I asked dryly.

“Not necessarily,” they replied, standing up. “It’s just something to think about.”

As they turned to leave, I called out, “Wait! Aren’t you going to tell me how I did? Pass or fail?”

They glanced over their shoulder, a faint smile playing on their lips. “Life isn’t pass or fail. It’s graded on a curve—and you’re the one holding the pen.”

And with that, they were gone, leaving me alone with my now cold tea, my existential inertia, and a sudden, irrepressible urge to visit the nearest chess academy and demand an adults-only class.

-- Pradeep K (Prady)